Elusive Dreams, Unreached Goals

When the life you dream of having, the goal you've planned and worked so hard for, refuses to materialize, it's extremely frustrating and confusing. You know what you want, you thought you knew how to get there, what's going wrong? Prevailing wisdom says "You only get what you truly want in life, whether you realize that's what you wanted or not." That sounds reasonable, even intuitively believable, but how does that explain dead-end jobs? Thirty extra pounds? A lonely apartment at the end of the day?

When you're certain of your goal but the road you've taken to reach it starts acting more like a treadmill than a road, there IS something you can do to uncover the problem. Goal planning methods advise clearly visualizing yourself successful - this should be much more intense than simply a static image of yourself at the goal line. Devote plenty of time to visualizing yourself achieving success; focus until it feels real to you, see the scenes around you, listen to the reaction of family and friends, completely immerse yourself in the 'new you' in your 'new life'. The more effort you put into this, the more likely it is that your subconscious will reveal your fear of success.

Fear of Success. Does that sound like nonsense? Perhaps, but it can be true nonsense. This isn't to suggest that you're afraid of overall success in life, but when you're doing everything right and things keep going inexplicably wrong, it's time to take a closer look. This is when you go deeper than you normally feel comfortable going, where you uncover a specific fear in succeeding in this particularly stubborn goal.

The Woman Who Won’t Stop Eating
A woman desperately wants to lose weight and feel attractive again. She’s put an unflattering photo of herself on the refrigerator to punish herself and to remind her to stop eating mindlessly. It isn’t working. She reads that it’s better to use a photo of what she wants to look like, a goal to work toward. She finds one, posts it, and happily imagines herself looking like that again. Then one time, she goes deeper into the view of herself and her life after reaching her goal. She visualizes herself slim and confident, then bursts into tears and sinks to the floor. Why? She’s discovered why she can’t manage to lose the weight; it’s been her protection against all the times she was assaulted. She’ll have to consciously face the past trauma and determine to overcome the fears, incorporating ways to deal with the possible problems that may come with success.

Scared, Sick Young Man
A young man has some health issues and he knows he needs to see a doctor but can’t afford one. He determines to find a job that offers decent benefits so he can, but for some reason always ends up in a job that doesn’t offer what he needs. When he imagines himself successfully completing an interview for the job he wants that will give him those benefits and further imagines himself getting the health problems looked into, he panics. He finally faces the fact that indications are that his health issues really are serious and he’s not ready to acknowledge what that entails. He may end up dependent on others to care for him, he may feel he’ll have to give up his dreams, he may die. He has to deal with these fears and make plans in case they are true.

The Brilliant, Failing Student
A student keeps forgetting to do important assignments on time or at all. This is a student who is intelligent and capable, one who seems to desire to do well. He says he plans to make straight A’s, is proud of doing well but always manages to screw something up. Why? When he’s helped to picture himself receiving a straight A report card, he’s happy - until he continues and imagines showing his difficult, unsupportive parents. That’s when he realizes he doesn’t expect praise, pride, and happiness for his accomplishment. What he expects is more along the lines of, “It’s about time, we were starting to think you were stupid after all. Let’s just hope this isn’t a fluke. Did you bribe the teachers or something?” Children’s success is highly dependent on their parents’ approval. A teenager will need help succeeding for his own sake, especially when he has to do so despite his parents.

When your much-desired, reasonable goals recede farther the more you strive to reach them, it doesn't necessarily indicate lack of effort, lack of intelligence, or lack of drive; neither does it mean you're destined to be a victim instead of a victor. It often means there are issues to be considered and dealt with before you can even start on the path to your goal. Recognizing the obstacles can finally make sense of why and how one keeps getting stuck when there's no other reason. Overcoming these obstacles comes before continuing to that long-awaited joy of success!